


24/7

by Mijune



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Memory Loss, side junhwan and yundong of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-11-19 01:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18129236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mijune/pseuds/Mijune
Summary: "Let's pretend it never happened. From now on, I'll start to live to make your dreams come true."It takes Jiwon his whole time trying to find his missing puzzle piece.





	1. Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by: Kowagaranai de, Soba ni Ite
> 
> This story will be short and simple, I think? About 4-7 chapters, just like the original work, and the story line is quite similar, too. The updates will be quick since I've already finished writing it, but in case you're feeling impatient, you can search for the manga:)
> 
> PS: Jiwon and Hanbin are composers in this au, the others are also in the entertainment industry and will be revealed on the later part.

There are lights punching his skin harshly, forcing him to come to his wake. Jiwon’s head feels just as heavy as his eyelids, but he fights it off and flutters it open. The sight that greets him next are only making it worse.

The ceilings are white, medical equipment are all around him, and he’s definitely not inside his own clothes. And the smell... God, it reeks of chemicals and medicines and something like alcohol, but the _bad_ -sterile version of alcohol.

_Hospital?_

“Oh God, Jiwon, you finally wake up!”

It takes him minutes to gain his consciousness. His mother gets up from her seat in a rush. He thought he's about to get hit, but instead, she envelopes him in a familiar bear hug, but tighter, like she’s afraid he’s about to slip out any moment. His father stands beside her, palms covering tears-washed face. What an... _odd_ welcoming ceremony. They usually just scold him whenever he causes a problem. It’s not just a regular one, then.

The room is eerily quiet, there are only three of them inside the room, but he assumes the number will increase since his eyes caught his father pushing the button to call for the doctor a minute ago. But then, he realizes there’s another one in the room, standing still on the far corner near the door with neck bending down and fingers twisting on each other.

“Hanbin?”

The guy looks up hearing his voice, and wow, Jiwon wonders why does he looks so wrecked? As far as he remembers, he’s the most composed, cold, reserved, and strong, _evil_ person he has ever met and there’s no way in hell what he possibly did has the power to make him break down like this. Like, he knows how terrible he and his works are in his eyes, but still...

He approaches his bed very slowly with hesitant steps. This is very much unlike him, Jiwon is getting weirded out with the whole situation, spiced up with their parents’ equally confused look on him. He doesn’t feel like he has done something wrong, they know how Hanbin despises his presence on a daily basis.

“I’m sorry, J-Jiwon, I-I’m... I’m rea... I’m really sorry...”

Hanbin drops down on the floor right before his thighs are touching the bed. If this is a completely different circumstances, he would capture it and send it to Jinhwan because, _ha_ , he made the devil bend on his knees first! He believes he had some childish bets in store similar to that with him. But Jiwon can’t lie, he still feels awkward seeing Hanbin act that way, and there’s a sudden pang of guilt, too.

Wait, did he just call him by his real name? Since when he has stopped calling him _Bobby_ (on a good day) or _Dumbass_ (on a bad day)?”

“Get up, Hanbin.”

Huh. It’s weird how Hanbin complies right away without a fight, because it’s infamous how he doesn’t like people ordering him around. He does it the other way around instead. Add this to his long long list of things happened today that needs some serious explanations.

His parents steps aside and leaves Hanbin some space to stand. Hanbin obeys and makes his way, eyes still glued on the cold ground.

“Thank God Hanbin was there when it all happened. If there wasn’t anyone you’re most likely...”

His father reaches to calm his mother down in a hug and he wonders if he’s almost dead if not because of _this guy_ in front of him? Speaking matter-of-factly, Hanbin and Jiwon doesn’t go well in a sentence (and real life obviously), except you put some verbs similar to ‘kill’, ‘hate’, ‘spit on’, and such in the middle of these two names.

“Uh, I guess I owe you a lot, then?” _As if it’s not enough_.

“Thank you for saving me, but... ”

Hanbin tilts his chin up a bit, bloodshot eyes still refuse to meet Jiwon’s. He must’ve cried hard for a long time, Jiwon hopes he’s not related to it.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Hanbin nods a bit, Jiwon can hear his heavy exhale even from this distance.

“Why are you here? Why did you do that? Aren’t we supposed to hate each other and compete for that producer spot?”

His mother lets out a loud gasp, and his father widens his eyes in disbelief. _What’s with their spectacular reactions? Has he been missing something important?_

Before Jiwon can think further about it, the doctor knocks and opens the door and Hanbin doesn’t think twice to scramble out of the room, even before it has completely closed.


	2. Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinhwan being Jiwon's first line of rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok i have decided it's gonna be 6 short chapters

“Yooooo wuzzup ma man Bobbyyyyy!!!”

Jinhwan stands on his feet in a quick move as he notices Jiwon yelling ‘ _hello!’_ from outside the door before he kicks it open with his foot. He actually cringes a bit hearing his own voice, but what can he say, the man was laying soulless for a month, so he’s more than happy to finally see him fully conscious.

Jiwon crosses his arms on his chest and looks around amazed, as if entering a foreign building.

“Woah, you have made a lot of changes inside this studio, huh?”

Jinhwan tilts his head to the side for a bit. _A lot_? Aaah... Hanbin wasn’t joking then when he said Jiwon has forgotten so many things. He doesn’t even remember when was the last time he had made a huge change on their studio. Was it a couple of years ago? Jinhwan’s heart clenches a bit. Why does the timeline has to be aligned perfectly with the beginning of the shift on his and Hanbin’s relationship?

“Actually it’s not recent, but well....”

Jiwon takes a seat on the couch and nervously rubbing his nape with a hand.

“Ah, sorry. You know, the memory loss....thing.”

Jinhwan puts the screen on sleep and takes two cans of soda before handing it one over to Jiwon. The guy seems a little bit confused observing the object. He smiles acknowledgingly. It’s a new label, though it’s still clear on his mind how Jiwon proclaimed it was his favorite when they first found it on the convenience store.

“It’s okay, I get it. How are you now? Feeling better?”

“Of course, I am. Don’t you see? I’m almost ready to go back on composing again! Anyways, which one of us ended up being the producer of the album?”

Too soon for the sensitive subject, Jinhwan thinks. He sighs heavily and reaches for the drawer beside him. He knows it’s nothing weird to ask about, but he feels not yet ready to be flooded with questions coming out from his best friend’s mouth.

To stop Jinhwan from withdrawing, Jiwon snatches the album away from his hands and scoots further to the other end of the couch. Jinhwan can’t possibly think to put up a fight, he'd be easily taken over by those annoyingly huge arms of his.

“Look at the back side of the lyrics book.”

Jinhwan watches from the edge of his eyes cautiously, waiting for his respond. If something goes wrong, June and Hanbin are just inside the room next to them so he can always seek them for help.

Jiwon chokes on his drink and God, he knows it must’ve feel worst feeling the burst inside your nose. He lets himself laugh, trying to cover up his wary since Jiwon must’ve noticed how he is written. _Along with Hanbin’s name_.

“ _바비아이?!!_ ”

Jinhwan swallows down his saliva in a thick gulp and tries to sound not to so bitter.

“Crazy, right? I was like you when they first told me how they agreed to make you both the producers. June even shrieked inside the meeting room even though he’s the one who proposed the idea. I mean, how’s that even allowed?”

Jiwon nods dumbly in agreement, eyes widening despite it’s tiny nature.

“Yeah! I mean... what the fuck, really? He can actually handle being in a room with me without trying to kill me?”

_No, Jiwon. He can’t actually handle being in a room with you without trying to kill himself._

“It’s such a development for your _relationship_ with him. More importantly, the single topped the charts for days and the album remained best-seller for five weeks straight. I assume you haven’t checked?”

Jiwon retrieves his phone and starts typing on it. He must’ve found out about the fact, judging from how he clasps his gaping mouth close tightly with his palm.

“Wow, I mean, this is beyond amazing. Did he really agreed to this? I can’t believe this shit. This is unbelievable. I think I need some time to process all of this, you don’t mind I lounge here for a bit?”

Jinhwan exhales in relief, though he’s sure the question will arrive eventually. At least he takes it in a good way, he could’ve complained since hated Hanbin that much once. Before they’re...

“But nothing’s... going on, right?”

There it is. He’s itching to say the truth, it’s on the tip of his tongue! If it wasn’t for Hanbin, he would say:

“Wrong. We’ve been lying to you.”

But instead,

“Nothing you need to remember of.”

And he lets Jiwon lost inside his own mind, trying to figure out the ambiguous statement and the unreadable expression on Jinhwan’s face.


	3. Good Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin's second encounter with Jiwon after the incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm indecisive there will be more chapters but it's still less than 10. And this is probably the only angst part of them all

Hanbin has been contemplating his decision since he has noticed from his peripheral view how Jiwon is swinging his feet back and forth for the last three minutes outside the room.

_To cry or not to cry?_

“You know I can see you through the glass door, right?”

Jiwon jolts a bit, it’s been too long since the last time he yelled at him. He feels bad, but he doesn’t want to get a wrong idea if Jiwon doesn’t get pissed off by him and starting to treat him kindly. _He might changes his mind and he doesn’t want to ruin his life once again._

“Get in or just fuck off!”

He doesn’t need to be that harsh, does he? But he trusts his instinct to remain rude if he still wants to allow him in. He just hopes Jiwon plans to leave quickly as as soon as he’s finished with his business.

“Hi, uh...”

“What?”

Hanbin lowers down his headphone and let it rest on his shoulders. He shoots him a glare, he knows Jiwon knows better than to disturb Hanbin when he’s working, but it seems like Jiwon needs to work, too.

“Jinhwan-Hyung told me you’ve got the file on... _our_ songs. And also the drafts. I’m here for both.”

Truthfully, Jinhwan has warned him beforehand that Jiwon might come to his studio since he too has the right for their works. Jiwon also has a second intention to regain his memories back, and Hanbin admits, their songs are a great start since it mirrors his forgotten daily life and whatever he was interested in. There are risks of Jiwon finding out Hanbin’s, too, and he could use it as his his reasons of refusal, but he looks for the folder anyway with sweats beading on his temple.

There’s a long, awkward silence as it's being transferred to the hard disk. Hanbin can’t use the PC in the meantime, and Jiwon can’t find something to busy himself with since it’s Hanbin’s old studio.

And Jiwon just decides to blurt out the most ill-sounding question ever:

“Have you been resting well?”

Hanbin stops his fingers from tapping on the desk abruptly.

“Not your business.”

Jiwon laughs heartily and Hanbin can feel the tears pooling on his eyes. He swipes them smoothly, as if he’s rubbing his eyes out of tiredness from facing the screen for hours. How he’s been dying to hear that sound again...

“What an expected reaction. Just saying, your eyebags are as thick as Junhoe’s belly folds.”

Hanbin is this close, _thiiiiiiiis_ close to break character. He almost cries and laughs hard at the same time. First, because of Jiwon’s terrible joke. Second, because he can imagine how shocked he’ll be when he finally sees how Junhoe is hella ripped right now. And third... how he never fails to put him at ease.

Just to surprise him once more, seconds later Jiwon starts humming. Hanbin’s heart skipped a beat when he recognizes the tune.

The song was made on one of their dates at the night market. Jiwon was really short on cash and Hanbin didn’t have his wallet with him, but the old lady and her husband was already finished preparing their snacks. They both instantly got on their knees, begging not to be dragged to the police and for forgiveness. The couple laughed at their antics, and the old man asked whether they could sing, thanks to the cap embroidered with their company’s name on Jiwon's head.

Hanbin knew Jiwon doesn’t like to show off his voice in public, so he decided to stand up for both of them and started singing. The song was far from good, he intended to add the atmosphere in the lyrics and attempted to sound romantic, but he had been singing only for demos and it was made last-minutely, so he ended up sounding like he was an unpaid narrator for a cheap drama. Jiwon’s impromptu raps only added to its silliness, but the couple’s satisfied laughs made it all worth it. They ended up filling their stomachs with all the leftovers and helped the old couple to close their booth.

Hanbin smiles sadly under his palm, and before he gets carried away, there’s a notification on the screen telling him that the process is complete. He quickly ejects and pulls out the connector and extends his arm to give it to Jiwon who has been leaning on the nearest wall.

Jiwon steps forward, and actually, he doesn’t have to lean down to reach for it, but he does anyway, and takes it from his hand. He feels himself drowning inside his own pathetic love songs when he feels electrified by a slight brush of Jiwon’s fingers.

“Thanks. Don’t forget to eat, and also... sleep. I’ll get going. Bye, _Bin_!”

Jiwon grins widely at him, as if everything’s okay. As if Hanbin didn’t hurt him before. As if it's okay to call him _that_ without any logical reason. As if he doesn’t lost a huge fucking chunk of important memories, well at least for him. And all of this wouldn't happen if he wasn't that stubborn that night. He hates himself even more for hiding the truth, but he can’t possibly misses out the best chance for him to stop himself from destroying Jiwon’s life any further.

When the door shuts close, Hanbin leans his back on the chair and stares on the two specific figures on the table out of habit when he misses him. It was Jiwon's gift for his birthday last year.

Six minutes is enough for Jiwon to get Hanbin stuck back in the nostalgia. Six minutes is enough to let the mood and the tension filling up the cramped space. Hanbin can’t think of how to get away from it. Though he feels choked, he gives in and let himself being pleasured by the pain.

This is a good inspiration for some songwriting. He just needs to add more heart to it so it would sound realistic when it’s (hopefully) released to the public.

Someone once said, if there are no tears from the writer, there'll be no tears from the reader.

_To cry it is, then._


	4. Good Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiwon's attempt on figuring himself and Hanbin out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beauty of writing this work: when I'm about to lose ideas I just reread the original work

Jiwon breaks his own record for the amount of people he manages to attract into raising their fists at him for an hour. The previous one is when he was eleven, the prettiest girl in class gave him chocolate for valentine’s day, and it pissed off almost every guy in his class, _ten_ in total (he’s sure he couldn’t be that problematic for the last two years he lost his memories of).

Today’s count is _twelve_ , and the reason behind it is he’s mistaken for a ghost. It’s not entirely their fault though, because who the fuck would pace back and forth in front of their company’s building past midnight? Only Jiwon. Thank goodness he’s quick to reveal his identity so none of the punches reached his skin.

So why  _exactly_  Jiwon's pacing back and forth in front of his company’s building this early? The answer is simple: Hanbin's driving him nuts.

No, it’s not something new, as far as he remember, but this is a different kind of nuts. Not the ‘ _I wanna fucking skin you’_  kinda nuts, but the  _‘I need to fucking know what you’re doing right now’_  one. And it only took him one visit to his studio. He can't even pinpoint what Hanbin did that could change his behavior so much.

He could’ve just brush the thought away and distracts himself with his work, if this problem  _isn’t_  affecting him so much. But it  _is_ , reaching that level where Jiwon can’t even manage to complete a single song without slipping hints about the younger in one of the lines.

Just in time his feet is getting even more sore, the glass door’s sliding open and a guy tripped on his own feet, followed by a string of curses soon after. Such clumsy behavior can only belong to one person.

“Heeeeeey, what are you doing up late?”

Imagine being exhausted after endless hours of working and then being asked such stupid question. Even Jiwon can relate to the irritation, so it doesn’t surprise him much when Hanbin walks away even faster right after he made eye contact with the source of noise.

“Oi, I was talking to you!”

Thank goodness Jiwon’s energy is stocked, because Hanbin’s almost running to avoid him, he has to burn more calories to finally catch up to stop him.

Hanbin turns his head and gives him a sharp look in the eyes, and then down to where his fingers are gripping his forearm, and back again to his eyes, as if signaling him to fuck off. But Jiwon doesn’t seem to get his point, as he replies him with a dumb grin on his face.

Jiwon opens his mouth to talk but he almost loses his sanity when Hanbin leans his face closer to search for something in his eyes with the dazzling one of his. Perhaps, it’s not a one-sided attraction...

“Are you fucking  _drunk_?”

Jiwon blinks once, twice, thrice. Okay, he admits the act is impulsive but it wasn’t alcohol that accompanied his dinner.

“No...”

The answer doesn’t please Hanbin at all.

“... Sugar rush.”

Hanbin straightens his neck back in disbelief and clicks his tongue angrily. But who's to blame? The smoothie is the diner's spotlight.

“At  _two am?!_  You really... Stop holding me, I wanna go home.”

Jiwon grins even wider and based on the look on his face, Hanbin must’ve feel creeped out by it. This is a perfect timing, it’s like he’s destined for him or something.

“I’ll walk you there, then!”

There’s fire blazing from his eyes and before Jiwon can throws the bucket of water, he already kicks Jiwon on the shin, his ass perfectly kissing the ground and Hanbin takes the opportunity to leave him whimpering on the road in a fetal position.

“Ow, fuck! This seriously hurts so much, Hanbin, fuck. Shit! How am I supposed go back?”

He tries hard to recreate those crappy scene from Jinhwan’s favorite drama and adds a little improvisation to it. It could make a good show, shame no one’s around to watch.

Jiwon counts silently. If by the time he reaches three Hanbin doesn’t take a detour, he’ll scream even louder and wakes up the whole neighborhood.

1...

2...

“Don’t even think of start yelling like a bitch, I’ll shut you up with my fist in your mouth.”

Hanbin crouches down and puts his palm over his mouth and sighs in defeat, earning a satisfied laugh from Jiwon. He knows Hanbin is still human, he doesn’t have the heart to leave him like this.

Was Hanbin always this easy to read? He feels like he’s losing his cause to hate this guy on the first place.

Hanbin ends up dragging Jiwon all the way to his home since Jiwon’s needs half an hour ride of a cab, while his is only five minutes walk. Only then when they’re arrived at Hanbin’s doorstep, they realized Jiwon has gotten too comfortable finding purchase on his shoulder and he on Jiwon’s waist, eventhough Jiwon has stopped limping since ages ago.

* * *

Hanbin heads straight into his kitchen and takes a huge gulp of water as soon as he unlocks the door, not caring about Jiwon even for a slightest bit. He’s at fault, it’s been months since the last time Jiwon went here, he already starts to regret his decision of following his intuition to give in.

“Your space is quite a mess, huh? Did you got so busy to clean up?”

Obviously, Hanbin can’t tell him the real reason behind it.

“If you feel uncomfortable with it, the door's always open.”

“Just being honest here, no need to be so harsh on me.”

Jiwon stifles an amused laugh from the living room and starts to sort things on the coffee table out. Hanbin hopes he didn’t left anything that could draw Jiwon’s suspicion.

“Fuck, I stepped on a Lego!”

“This book doesn’t even has a single note in it!”

“Oh God, Hanbin, is it so fucking hard to throw away your paper cups?!”

Hanbin chooses to make up his bed for Jiwon to sleep on later to divert his attention from Jiwon’s complaints. He’s careful to erase Jiwon’s traces from his room. It’s not a hard job anyway, since their photo that used to occupy his desk is already safe inside the drawer, and he’s sure the floor is clean of Jiwon’s guitar pick.

“Aw, Grizz! This is so cute, where did you bought it?“

Hanbin jumps and bolts out for the room. Once he met eyes with the mentioned bear, he snatches it away from him.

“Don’t fucking touch it.”

Jiwon looks up from the couch, eyes confused at Hanbin’s irritation and he’s feeling the same way, if not more.  It seems like he genuinely likes the gift, consciously and unconsciously, despite his whining of the childishness of its nature when he first met it. The plushie was what he gave to Jiwon on his birthday last year, after all.

But it’s better if he just forgot.

“Jeez, no need to be so sensitive. I never knew you’re such a kid! You know, with your untidiness and the kind of things scattering all over the room. I’m breaking my back trying to turn this dumpster back into a proper place for humans to live.”

Jiwon messes up Hanbin's hair and God, this guy really has the nerve. His memory loss doesn’t even do Hanbin any good so far, he thought this would be Jiwon’s perfect opportunity to finally get over him. If only he knew who’s the actual owner of that stuff.

“I never told you to do it!”

Hanbin spits out and tries hard not to change the color on his face. He decides to not leave Jiwon alone. He controls his breathing, trying to brace himself to be in a closed space with Jiwon and joins him to put everything back where it’s supposed to be, his feelings' included.

* * *

The sun is up, and now Hanbin and Jiwon are sitting on the living room with their own cups of coffee. To be honest, Jiwon doesn’t really want to leave but he can’t find the reason why. The place? Or the owner itself? Whatever it is, it makes him feels at home.

“I need to go back to the company.”

Hanbin still focuses his gaze on his phone. 

“And what am I supposed to do with that information?

Hanbin’s constantly-pissed-self somehow never fails to entertain him.

“Normal people would ask:  _Can you walk already? Do you need help? Are you feeling better?_  Or something nice like that. But I guess I had to much hopes on you.”

“You did say it was nothing last night. I even slept on the couch. You’re welcome.”

Jiwon laughs even harder and sips the last drop before making his way out. Jiwon is actually still having difficulties to stand, but he obviously won’t ask more of his help.

He uses his uninjured leg as an anchor and attempts to stand up. He thought he’s about fall back to his seat, but in a flash, Hanbin is front of him, helping him by circling his arm on his waist. Jiwon’s heart flutters a  ~~lot~~  bit and he takes his cue for his arm to sling on Hanbin’ shoulder.

“You’re not gonna make it to the bus stop.”

“Thank you for the  _positivity_ ,”

“I'll never let you in again.”

“And the  _love_. Totally feeling it.”

Hanbin has this look when he’s thinking hard, it’s a mixture of wrinkles on his forehead, eyebrows, other parts of his skin and eyes constantly driving away. He doesn’t know exactly what’s on his mind, but he’s sure it doesn’t bring him happiness.

Hanbin opens the door for him but doesn’t let go, and Jiwon’s heart is fluttering,  _again_ , as he recognizes Hanbin's expectation: reassurance.

“I’m fine, really. There’s the elevator and the bus stop isn’t far away.”

“I don’t care as long as I can get rid of you soon.”

Jiwon knows precisely there’s no truth behind his insult, because his eyes and his head keeps travelling down to his injured leg. It makes the collar of his loose t-shirt rides down a bit, and...oh.

Hanbin’s wearing a necklace, and hanging on it, is a ring.

Jiwon retracts his arm and tightens the strings of his hoodie, sending Hanbin stumbling backwards, caught a little bit off guard by the action. He actually doesn’t really have the right to be this sad, it’s such a waste for someone as attractive as Hanbin to stay single.

Hanbin clears his throat, noticing how Jiwon has been awkwardly freezing his place with eyes fixated on the wall. Jiwon knows he can’t leave himself hanging like this, so before he really goes back, he mans up and adjusts his position so his body is facing Hanbin completely.

“This is a weird question, and there’s a high chance that it’ll drive you mad but I’m gonna ask you anyway since I’m curious as fuck.”

Jiwon hides his trembling palms inside the pocket of his hoodie and takes a deep breath.

“Are you in a relationship with someone right now?”

There’s a long pause, Jiwon almost goes deaf with his own beating heart, before Hanbin gives him the best answer he could ever hope for at the moment.

“I don’t have time for that bullshit.”

Eventhough Jiwon knows it’s a rather unusual goal to be a _bullshit_ , he glances back at the door with the brightest smile he could ever imagine plastering on his face after Hanbin slams it close, not knowing the other side is trying hard to pull himself together instead of breaking apart in tears like he used to do for the past months.


	5. Good Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiwon is desperate for a closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh turns out all of this are angsty-er than I thought

There’s this joke (actually a sarcasm, but still funny anyway) uttered by Jinhwan about him and Hanbin. He said that Hanbin plays a huge role in Jiwon’s health, because he keeps making him _pace back and forth_ every time they’re about to meet. Thinking about it again, it’s not that funny because of how right he is.

Jiwon _stops_ pacing back and forth in front of the door when the truth hits reality. He huffs helplessly and rings the bell with a heavy arm. He’s having the least expectation for him to be home when suddenly, Hanbin appears in front of him with wet hair and an oversized clothing.

“What part of ‘ _fuck off my house_ ’ you don’t understand?”

Jiwon tries to keep his cool when he lifts and wiggles the plastic bag on his right hand and gives Hanbin his signature toothy grin.

“Isn’t the hoodie too big one size for you?”

“ _Fuck off_.”

“Lunch?”

Hanbin narrows his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest, looking as skeptic as ever.

“It’s noodle!”

Jiwon wriggles his eyebrows and he knows he’s already won when he sees a flash of Hanbin’s adam apple bobbing in temptation.

“Fine, but I’ll kill you if it doesn’t live up to my taste.”

“Aw, you can always keep the body.”

Hanbin grunts dissatisfied and hangs his head down low before stepping aside and let him in. Like the usual, Jiwon takes his chance to glance on his way at the area of his neck and collarbone.

He nearly loses his shit when he acknowledges Hanbin isn’t wearing his necklace.

* * *

“Focus on your own food.”

Jiwon is startled, his chin slips out of his palm, resulting in his elbow slipping out of the table too, almost spilling the noodle. Jiwon curses himself for being such a mess just because he got caught staring at the younger.

He repositions himself then, making his attempt to eat, but somehow his eyes keep landing on the guy in front of him.

“You look great with that sauce on your lip.”

“You look great with my hand squeezing your neck.”

“Oooh, _kinky_.”

“You—“

Jiwon laughs and swings his legs again feeling like he’s about to burst out in amusement. Hanbin just shakes his head to avoid being lured inside Jiwon’s trap of wordplay and picks up his bowl.

“The noodle’s not bad. I wanna bake mug cake for dessert, you want some?”

Jiwon turns his head too rapidly toward Hanbin that is now standing behind him, he’s about to get a whiplash. Hanbin scrunches his nose in disgust and leaves him by his own right away when Jiwon nods happily, still in a mouthful.

There’s a creaking sound of cabinet opening when suddenly Jiwon gets an idea.

 _The necklace_. Where could he possibly keep it?

Jiwon finishes his lunch in one big scoop of his spoon and makes as little noise as he tiptoes to the living room. After he’s sure Hanbin’s still busy in the kitchen, he starts his quest.

Will he get kicked out for invasion of privacy? Maybe. But he has visited so many times, more than his fingers could count (literally anytime possible, even twice he waited on his doorstep until he comes home), Hanbin’s actually comfortable enough with Jiwon venturing the flat by himself. It’s not like he has the intention to _steal_  it from him, he just wants a good look.

He’s almost finished with the last drawer when he accidentally stabs his finger with a sharp edge of a scissor. He quickly sucks it as a reflex, but he tastes too much iron so he rushes to the bathroom to stop the bleeding.

Jiwon locks the door and turns on the tap to wet his wounded finger under it while he looks around to keep himself occupied. There’s a cabinet on top of his head, the toilet is on his left, the shower on his right. Beside the sink, there’s a towel on the hanger and...

A necklace.

Well, that was quick.

Jiwon turns off the tap and cover his gaping mouth, still finding it hard to process. Of course! Hanbin probably took it off when he was about to shower, why didn’t he thought of it?!

He approaches slowly and carefully like the necklace will bite if he moves too hurriedly. He traces the jewelry with his fingers, feeling its cold surface. He grabs them and brings it closer to his eyes to feed his curiosity regarding the _ring_.

It's silver, with the band about 1 cm in thickness. He twist it around, trying to find what’s so special about it if worn, but it looks rather bland and ordinary, except for the number carved on the inside of it. _2028_.

Jiwon dislikes it so much to use his brain, but he put that hatred just for this once. What could it possibly mean? Is that a year? What is he planning to do on that year? Or is it an address? A part of a phone num—

“Are you inside? The cake’s ready!”

Jiwon jumps back like a kid caught smuggling candies, almost knocking down Hanbin’s stuff that’s placed on the sink. He leans on the door for a few seconds to clear his mind before finally making his final decision.

“Hey, I said—“

“Calm down, I was just taking a dump. Did you miss me that much?”

Jiwon busts the door open a little bit too fast, Hanbin’s right knuckle is hanging in the air as he kept knocking on it, and the left one is it holding the mug’s handle. Jiwon holds his breath when Hanbin adjusts his specs and starts walking around him in circle, observing him with an obvious suspicion. He stops then after a few laps and tiptoes to give him a final look in the eye before handing him the mug and leaves him to stand alone, still stuck in an awe.

* * *

Jiwon is all sweat and red and nervous breathings as it's time for him to go back home. It’s like he’s carrying the whole hell inside the pocket of his jeans.

“Was my mug cake that bad?”

His friends always told Jiwon he’ll never be a criminal mastermind because a single, simplest mistake makes him feel guilty as if he’s just murdered a whole village.

“No, no! It was fantastic, actually. I’m just... not feeling well.”

Hanbin smacks his lips together, he knows his lame excuse isn’t really believable. But if he says anything more, he’ll put his life at even a bigger risk.

It’s funny what a simple crime can do to you. As Hanbin opens the door for him, suddenly Jiwon forgets how to normally walk. Should it be in a slow tempo, or like, fast paced?

Jiwon chooses neither then, and fixates his eyes on the elevator door as he finally frees himself from the torture room and walks to his right straight ahead, skipping his habit of looking back to check if Hanbin is already locks his door yet.

Halfway through though, Hanbin calls him hesitantly.

“Uh, Bobby...”

Jiwon freezes like block ice in place, alongside with the sudden chill. He can feel the fear crawling in from the tip of his fingers.

He turns around in a slow motion, the inside of his ear hurts slightly as he’s holding back the tension and the skin of his face must’ve look stiff as hell as he waits for Hanbin’s next words.

“... your shoelace is untied.”

Jiwon exhales so hard in relief, Hanbin can probably hear it despite their distance. Jiwon smiles awkwardly and bends his knee to do what he’s supposed to do in a blink. He wants to just get over it soon, but he keeps twisting the laces so he has to repeat it with the lack of steadiness on his hands.

He’s too inattentive to notice how his body keeps moving makes such a big impact and Hanbin starts to inch closer.

“What’s that... inside your left pocket?”

Jiwon glances down and his face goes pale as soon as he notices the necklace is half-hanging outside of his pocket and it wouldn’t be mistaken as anything else as the ring is perfectly outside.

Without having to hear answer, both of them know what’s _gonna_ happen next.

What _is_ happening next, is their eyes are locked with each other’s, and then Hanbin pulling him up by his arm and chases Jiwon’s pocket, but the older grips his wrist to avoid him from having a hold of it.

Jiwon feels so annoyed by how Hanbin keeps grabbing him to get the necklace, so he pulls him in strongly instead, bodies flushing together to stop Hanbin from moving too much. He doesn’t even start it soft as they pushed both of them together so they're right in front of Hanbin's closed front door.

“Do you really love this person that much?”

He flinches and doesn’t look up at Jiwon who’s yelling at him. Jiwon feels Hanbin’s body is starting to shake. His heart is aching badly to witness it, but he wants to be selfish for once. He too, has this gradual ache every time the jewelry is glued on Hanbin’s skin.

“Why did you stole it?”

Hanbin’s voice is unsteady and Jiwon tightens his hold.

“You already broke up with the person, am I correct? Then why did you keep it?”

He doesn’t even need to feel it directly anymore, the trembling frame is just as visible from his bare eyes.

“I said, _why_ did you stole it?”

Hanbin is so damn stubborn even at times like this, it fuels up Jiwon’s urge raise his tone.

“It bothers me so much that you’ve never been separated with it so I took the only chance I have! Are you really _that_ attached to _her_?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“If it’s to the extent you’d make such a sad face by a slightest thought—“

“Bobby...”

“Can’t it be _me?_ I don’t want _her_ to hold you back from me! Let me take care of you. I will never hurt you the way _she_ did!”

“ _Kim Jiwon!_ ”

Hanbin finally explodes and throws himself out of Jiwon’s grip, his unusually loud voice is echoing on the hallway, indulging Jiwon’s inner fear.

Jiwon had a lot of relationships before, he’s not inexperienced with the word _pain_. Most of it ended in mutual agreements, but there are still few that went badly. Even then, none of his previous lovers had the hurtful look near what Hanbin shares with him right now.

 

There’s only darkness on his face, but the different kind of dark that results from his coldness. The tears are pooling on the corner of his eyes, his lips quivering, and all the calm-composed image is dissipating into thin air. He lifts his chin just look back down a moment later in despair, and Jiwon is the only one at fault.

“Please leave. Don’t even think of showing up ever again.”


	6. Dusk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer all of the questions

They said to identify if you’re dreaming or it’s actually real, you have to let someone pinch your skin or just slap your face. Anything that makes you really feel, so it’s supposed that anything close can do.

Every squeeze of Jiwon’s hand on his feels like pinprick to his skin, and yet he feels like he’s still stuck in between a nightmare and a nice dream.

Jiwon presses his face on the glass, looking at the cribs lining in order with the fondest smile.

“Hanbin, look. On the top, third one from the left. It’s my brother’s!”

Hanbin accepts Jiwon’s offer to visit the hospital where his whole family is gathered solely because he's sincerely happy for Jiwon's brother and sister-in-law, and he respects all of them. He actually has met them a few times, they have accepted him and showered him with a lot of affection, but the occasion was never this intimate.

Hanbin feels disappointed with himself seeing the smile that faintly reflected on the glass somehow looks so bitter.

“Uncle Bin, can you lift me up? I want to see the babies, too!”

Hanbin turns around and lowers himself so he’s on the same eye level with the toddler. This is Jiwon’s cousin’s, she once said Hanbin is her favorite.

“Are you trying to steal Hanbin’s attention from me? You used to ask me first on everything!”

Hanbin opens his arms first, but Jiwon is quicker to hoist her up. She giggles and let Jiwon hold her in his arms anyways.

The scene is always ironic, Jiwon and him being good with kids like they always are. It’s not ridiculous to think that they might build a family together, but it’ll never be complete.

“The chubby one right there, see?”

The little girl looks over at Hanbin for help. He smiles at her and points his finger to guide her. Once the girl found it, she furrows her eyebrows cutely and asks Jiwon with curious eyes.

“Uncle, why does he look more like you?”

They laugh together at her honesty. She follows suit right after Jiwon answers her with not quite a similar thinking with Hanbin (‘ _because I’m_ _handsome. Who doesn’t want to look like me?_ ’). Jiwon’s brother would be fuming to hear this, he’s always been called more as Jiwon’s twin rather than the older sibling. 

“If he already looks like you, then your baby will look like who?”

The smile falters from Hanbin’s face.

Eventhough Jiwon's parents have always been thankful for him, told him that they’re made for each other, and they’re willing to give their blessing when the time has come for them, the child's innocence still comes like a small bone lodged in Hanbin's throat, unable to swallow it properly. 

They have been together long enough for Jiwon to notice if there’s something that’s bothering his mind. Jiwon nudges his shoulder with his and gives him a smile that’s equally fond with the one he gave the baby earlier.

It actually gives him _guilt_ more than reassurance.

“Of course it will look like you!”

Jiwon melts the situation, and the girl smiles proudly with satisfaction. Hanbin tries so hard not to ruin the situation and pinches her on the cheek.

After spending some time together with her, Jiwon’s phone rings from his pocket, and he hands her over to Hanbin.

“The chairman said he wants to see me.”

Jiwon ends the phone call after repeatedly saying _yes_ to the other side and they bid their goodbyes. As always, Jiwon’s mother kisses him on both of his cheeks while calling him _son_.

For the first time, he's filled with doubts looking at the ring circling his finger on his left hand.

* * *

Hanbin thought, Jiwon has shown his brightest smile that morning in the hospital. But seeing Jiwon comes out of the room after 2 hours, he’s completely blinded. He hopes he can reciprocate with this one properly.

“Bin, I’m gonna debut as a rapper!”

Jiwon cups his cheeks with both of his hands and starts kissing Hanbin all over his face as if it’s a normal thing to do in public, forgetting his surrounding once in a while. Hanbin too, for once, doesn’t mind the CCTV right on one corner of the ceiling.

Hanbin smiles genuinely, bodies still hugging face to face while they walk toward the elevator. He is common for excessive handsiness so it’s not a weird sight, moreover with Jiwon, so none of the people in the building look at both of them with suspicion.

“We should celebrate! What did he say?”

They float above the cloud for only a short amount of period of time though, as he notices Jiwon’s face suddenly falls right after he asks the question.

“Just... you know. Legal stuff I do not plan to talk about any time soon. Should we have dinner somewhere? What do you wanna eat? Or just takeouts and beers? And then should we like, cuddle? It’s also been days since the last time we had sex—“

Jiwon starts rambling and tightens his hold on Hanbin’s waist after he pushes on the button on the wall. He presses his face on Hanbin’s forehead then, like he’s afraid of something and he’s hiding it.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

Jiwon shakes his head rapidly, still tight-lipped about it. Hanbin crumples his shirt on one hand and rubs his back with the other, slowly thinking hard up until the worst possibilities.

It doesn’t take long for the elevator to _ding_ open along with the sudden realization.

 _Legal stuff_.

The five years rule must’ve been included in it.

“He showed you the contract, didn’t he?”

Jiwon breaks the hug first and holds on to his hand even tighter than the hug until it hurts him in the tiniest bit.

They are moving down from the highest floor, so it’s not a surprise that the ride seems long. But it doesn’t supposed to be this long, he can feel the body parts where they’re connected are sweating profusely, infused with fear of what comes next. Hanbin’s chin is glued to his chest and Jiwon is burning a hole to his temple with his stare. They're physically and mentally numb.

The elevator _dings_ open again, and Hanbin steps outside first and leads Bobby to follow him to the exit on the lobby, foreign to the feeling growing inside his chest.

If this doesn't come to them, he wouldn't know that he has been bottling it up for too long, the time has come to let it all out. This is bound to happen sooner or later, but he thinks it’s best to do it early. He’ll got more time to get over it, or at least do something with it... _that_ if he still has any energy left later after he put it into words.

The outside’s warm air hits his face, the beauty of the city lights makes it even sadder to think that the night has to turn out this way. Hanbin finds it really tragic that the sky is falling down at once.

“I think it’s best for us to break up...”

For the ups and downs he has passed with Jiwon, never even once he experienced the man putting his anger into physical actions. He always let it slide, or for the worst, they argue with each other until their ego gave up and their love took over. He had never forcefully marked his skin with his fingers on his wrists like _this_.

“The fuck are you saying?”

If he meets Jiwon’s eyes even for a glance, he’ll sure he’ll give it all up. So he keeps looking down at his feet.

It’s not even his shoes he’s wearing.

“... for now. You’ve read the  _conditions_ by your own eyes. This is only temporary. If we are meant to be, then we are meant to be.”

“Speak this for yourself, Bin! I know you too well! Once I agreed to this, you’ll disappear from my life forever for the sake of my career and then you’ll self-destruct yourself. I won’t allow that to happen.”

Hanbin will refer this night in the future as _the night of the firsts_. First time Jiwon is raising his voice at him, first time they consciously hurt each other, first time crying because of him. The last one hasn’t happened yet, but looking at how horrible the situation is right now, it’s inevitable.

“Don’t you see how close you are? You’ve been dreaming of this for years! It seemed ridiculous before, but now it’s just a decision away!”

His wrist is terribly pained by Jiwon’s strong hold and he feels choked just to talk, but it’s still not painful enough to distract him from the _real_ pain.

“But without you in it, what’s the point? I’ll debut, then what? Will I be _happy_?”

Jiwon makes it even harder for him because he’s always truthful to him, and that’s what makes him always right about both of them.

“You don’t know what you’re saying. Once you see what you can do after you’ve debuted, you can tell me what happiness means.”

Hanbin prays that Jiwon’s head isn’t clear enough to sense his lie. Because if it’s not happiness, then he doesn’t have any other word to describe what does their relationship mean to him.

“Does everything we went through mean anything to you?!”

It doesn't make it easier for him that they’re always on the same page.

“If they knew you’re dating someone, moreover _me_ , you’ll get dropped for sure. They will not accept you well. We have to cut contacts for at least in that period of time. We can think about the rest later—“

Jiwon cuts his word this time, knowing Hanbin’s limit of his love for himself.

“I’m trying to make a point here! I don’t need public's acceptance! I don’t wanna do it without you!”

He’s right. He doesn’t even do it a lot, but he still do it now anyway. He doesn’t have any shame left and finally feeling his cheeks wet and warm from his tears. Jiwon panics seeing Hanbin falling apart like this. They have always been strong, supporting one another in the best possible ways. But when they're breaking down equally and at the same time like this, any kind of contact will make them shatter instantly.

He slowly releases himself out of Jiwon’s grip and tries to breathe evenly. This might be his last words for the day, or even the longest for the following week.

There’s a chance of Jiwon coming back after all of his efforts. If he has to do this, than he’ll have to show him, prove him how serious he is that not even a promise of a bright future can even change his mind. Jiwon is unconsciously pushing him to do it the hard way.

“Let’s pretend it never happened. From now on, I’ll start to live to make your dreams come true.”

“No, Hanbin, don’t do it—“

Before Jiwon can stop him, Hanbin gives him one last look in the eye, silently convincing Jiwon to understand why he suddenly takes off his ring and throws it away like a ball of paper. He barely crosses the road with legs weakening and sight blurring.

He has planned to start mourning right after his name coming out from Jiwon's mouth is fading away in the distance, but it comes early as the next thing he hears is his sound is interrupted by the maddening sound of car crashing into an _object_ , and the sound of his heartbeat that's significantly louder than the passerby’s screams.

A second later he finds out rather than an _object_ , the car hit the the very least person he can handle seeing laying on the middle of the road, red-hot-thick liquid emerging from the back of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know it's said that there's a rule where idols aren't allowed to date on their first five years of contract


	7. New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If we are meant to be, then we are meant to be.”

It’s been a long week for Jiwon coming back and forth trying to reach Hanbin.

He’s never home. When Jiwon wanted to visit his studio, one of his friends would quickly bark at Jiwon to leave Hanbin alone like guard dogs. He waited in front of the company's building, but there was never a sign of him, too.

At least that’s what Jiwon has been whining about since Junhoe went out and then came back with their dinner. There are some things he hasn’t explained too, he suppose. For example, why does his eyes looks red as fuck.

Junhoe predicts by the end of the night, his thigh will be full of red-blue splotches, thanks to his loose tongue and Jinhwan. He already gave Junhoe some brief instructions earlier to not bring Hanbin up and say anything stupid. But if Jiwon’s questions are never far from—

“Do you know where Hanbin is?”

—then how the hell is he supposed to calm down? Jinhwan’s the one who has been _hiding_ him!

Junhoe groans feeling frustrated, not even trying to mask it. If not for Jinhwan distracting him by his cough, he would’ve noticed.

The next thing he knows, he’s holding back his scream from Jinhwan’s pinch on his left thigh.

“Like I said, he needs some time, Jiwon. Just let him be.”

Jinhwan gives him a warning smile and Junhoe stares back down on his lap before Jinhwan could initiate a staring contest with no chance of him winning.

There’s only comfortable silence (because the noises are stuck in Junhoe’s own mind), well, at least until Jinhwan’s almost finished with his plate.

“What did the company _do_  when they first knew both of you are dating?”

Junhoe smirks. It’s very like Jiwon to ask things like this, not caring his own current situation when he has a clear picture of his own goal.

“Easy: they don’t. We make a good use of our chemistry the public loves so much to cover it most of the time. But, shouldn’t you clear things out first with Han— _hng_.”

Jinhwan shoots him a glare and gifts him with another one under the table.

“Will they actually allow it, though?”

Jinhwan sighs and threatens Junhoe by sharping his glare, and then he shifts his attention back to Jiwon who’s swirling his pasta, looking disinterested at everything.

“We don’t know it yet. But that soloist from our company, Donghyuk, came out about half a year ago with that actor from another company, Yunhyeong or something.”

Junhoe drags his chair further away from him before putting on his serious expression. Jinhwan can’t possibly talk about it without dragging him into the subject they have been constantly arguing about.

“How many times do I have to tell you, there are predisposing factors. He _is_ Donghyuk, like _The_ Donghyuk? He’s basically a mixture of taste and vocals and dancing talent and hardwork, we still yet to learn to be on that level. Don’t you remember his legendary comeback stage where he performed alone without any dancer and still did better than us all? And his partner just got an actor of the year award, he also has a part in one of his dramas’ OST. If their companies decide to kick them both out, it’s a hundred percent their loss. Most likely on half of their incomes and—"

“June, we really don’t need to hear about your huge crush on Donghyuk.”

“And _you_ , don’t need to be so jealous about it.”

“And _I_ , am not here to watch you guys being  _lovey-dovey_.”

Jinhwan sends Jiwon an apologetic look and leaves for the kitchen with his plate before excusing himself to the bathroom. Of course, after he whispers at Junhoe, _‘Don’t screw anything up’._

Junhoe doesn’t promise him anything though, Jinhwan should’ve known better than to get him off his handcuffs.

When the bathroom door locks close, Jiwon starts glancing at him repeatedly from across the table. He tries to not make his irritation so obvious.

“I know you know what Hanbin’s been up to. You’ve been playing dumb, don’t you, Junhoe?”

Junhoe occupies himself by counting the fries on his plate.

“C’moooooon. Are you being Jinhwan’s little puppy right now?”

He stabs his fork hard on one of it.

“You know you suck at lying as much as I do, right?”

His brain's beginning to rebel against Jinhwan’s will.

“Fuck, say something.”

Whatever, it’s not like he’s gonna bear living like this for any more day, anyway.

“What time is it?”

Jiwon quickly shoves his phone at Junhoe's face. The lockscreen has Hanbin with his apple hair and hazy eyes sitting in front of him, golden sky in the background. Jiwon must’ve took it when he wasn’t looking, maybe on one of their _‘dates’_.

Junhoe double takes at the door behind his back where Jinhwan might comes out from before tightening the rope on his neck.

“Go now. Hanbin said he needs to pick up some stuff today from his flat before he goes back to God-he-and-Jinan-knows-where.”

Jiwon beams and mouths  _‘I owe you’_ with a flashy grin and lively eyes before making a run for his jacket on the couch.

“Are you positive he won’t kill you for this?”

Jiwon’s hand is gripping the doorknob when he turns his head for the last time to make sure. Junhoe is happy he has made up his mind.

He rolls his eyes and gestures him to leave his and Jinhwan’s flat with the flick of his wrist.

“Very. He loves me too much to get rid of me.”

* * *

Jiwon’s heart almost jumps out of his ribcage when the door clicks open, revealing Hanbin with dark circles shadowing his eyes, probably a result from an agonizingly little amount of sleep.

“Hanbin, please hear me out first.”

Jiwon holds on the door to avoid Hanbin from closing it. He wishes Hanbin would at least punch him square on the face out of anger, but he keeps on blankly staring on something beside Jiwon’s shoulder.

“I’m really sorry about last time. I was really crossing the line.”

Hanbin tilts his head up at this and stops fighting him, and Jiwon really, really hates himself because right now he’s looking at him the same way he used to look at the necklace.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I’m really sorry.”

Jiwon closes his eyes when he’s sure he’s courageous enough to express what he really feel.

“But to be honest, I’m not planning to return the necklace.”

There’s a disappointment on Hanbin’s eyes, and he expects that, but it doesn’t mean it’s still easy to look at.

“I feel like...I’ve been missing, no, _wasting_ my chance on you. Maybe you only think of me as just a bug coming in and out of your flat almost everyday. But no, it’s me hoping you'd get used to my presence in your life. I’m serious with you, Kim Hanbin. I’m planning to be around here for long. I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish with my feelings.”

In his surprise, Hanbin takes a step forward and closes the door behind him.

“Selfish...”

Hanbin starts talking under his breath.

“Being with me... will be tough. You can’t have a family you _normally_ could. Though I can’t lie that there’s a despicable part of me that wants to be with you, you’ll maybe regret it one day. I don’t want to be so selfish, I have no right to interfere with your happiness.”

There are many ways he could interpret Hanbin’s words, he’s always never been easy to understand. Hanbin is always keeping things by himself, hurting himself in the process at times, and this is a perfect representation of it.

“Are you saying... you’re pulling away for my sake?”

Hanbin stills but his answer is as clear as ever.

“I don’t need any of the _normal_ things like that. If you really care about my happiness, then don’t ignore my feelings! Stay by my side...”

Like a porcelain, Hanbin looks so fragile in his eyes he takes some time to hold him properly, making sure he doesn’t hurt him like before.

Slowly but sure, Hanbin softens under his touch and his face visibly relaxes, his guards are crumbling down along with it. And that’s exactly what Jiwon wants for him, to finally share his burden with him.

He hugs him then completely, the younger is sobbing it all out on his shoulder. Jiwon doesn’t say anything except swaying him gently back and forth.

“Hanbin... did my feelings get through?”

Jiwon asks him quietly and Hanbin nods into his hoodie. They stay like that for a while, comfortably steadying each other’s heartbeat, savoring the moment when finally they’re both present.

Eventually though, their legs give up and they just crouch on the floor outside the door, backs leaning on the wall side by side, fingers intertwined. Once or twice, when Hanbin is dozing off he lifts their joined palms up and kisses Hanbin’s gently just to assure him once more.

“Do you wanna get inside? It’s starting to get cold.”

“No, let me stay like this for a while.”

“Okay.”

The hallway is too quiet, it seems like anything can slip into his mind if not for the feeling of Hanbin’s skin on his. Jiwon suddenly thinks about the forgotten jewelry inside his pocket.

“Hanbin, can I ask you one thing?”

He nod once as an approval from behind his knees.

“Who does this ring belongs to?”

Hanbin moves his back forward and shifts his position, so he’s facing Jiwon completely. He gestures him to hand him the necklace with a bittersweet smile and Jiwon complies to his request.

In a steady movement, Hanbin unclasps the clip and removes the ring from the thin chains. He plants a soft kiss on Jiwon’s palm and lifts the ring finger of his left hand.

Hanbin holds his breath when it slides in perfectly, Jiwon’s is taken away.

“I took it off when you were still unconscious. I’m sorry.”

Then suddenly it all makes sense.

The way his family carefully avoided some of his questions, leaving hollow spots that he didn’t really think too much about.

How his father didn’t laugh when he joked ‘ _at least I’m as single as ever so i’m not leaving anyone behind’_.

That also answered an empty ring box deep inside his closet he found one day. So he wasn’t dreaming about his mother’s watery eyes when he showed it to her.

And why his brother looked almost angry when one of his nephews asked him about _Uncle Bin_.

How could he forgot something so important?

“I told your parents to not tell you about us. I’m sorry and, thank you... for choosing me, even after your empty state. And for coming back once more.”

And he had the nerve to promise him he wouldn’t hurt him the way _he_ did.

Jiwon cradles Hanbin’s face in his palms with utmost desperation and kisses him deep, swearing in his mind he would never let Hanbin say he’ll let go of him again. Had he done this sooner, he would’ve realized how and why it feels so natural. Why it makes him feel complete so easily.

He drives himself deep into Hanbin’s warmth that night, murmuring soft apologies, salty kisses, sweet words, and _i love you_ -s into his collarbones and any other skin he can reach.

* * *

The first thing that comes to Jiwon’s senses even before he opens his eyes is how soft the mattress beneath him is. It’s weird, because he’s very used to wake up on a rather firmer one. He bounces his body a few times to make sure, eyes still closed, and his movement results in a shift on the other side of the bed.

He fully wakes up then and notices his arm is being used as a pillow by a person with a _'Nihilism'_ tattoo drawn on his left shoulder down to his chest, and the person’s are resting on his own exposed stomach.

Jiwon smiles on his own like a champion. No wonder he’s on the list of best composers, his mornings ~~were~~ are like this.

That peaceful face slowly stirs awake, and Jiwon can’t help but to steal a kiss on his cheek.

“Your morning breath _still_ sucks.”

The person, Hanbin, mumbles adorably with lips parted only slightly, words coming together in a slur. Jiwon can barely feel insulted.

“Ah, really? Are you sure it’s not yours?”

Jiwon moves his lips in a slow drag toward his. He can feel the site where he latches on is moving into a curve, and soon it’s mirroring his work. Jiwon changes his position to hover above Hanbin and he guides his arms to circle his neck, both of his forearms on the sides of his head.

Until Jiwon has already satisfied his appetite and Hanbin is out of breath, he finally deattached his lips from Hanbin’s.

“I really should tell my family about this. We have to tell yours, too.”

“Maybe... later. My dad’s home, so...”

Hanbin looks to his side with faint sadness in his eyes.

_“I don’t want to be so selfish...”_

He better make all of Hanbin’s time he chooses to spend with him worth it.

He lowers his body and rests his head on Hanbin’s chest, circling protective arms around his waist. He let the serene tempo of his heartbeart calms him down and shuts down his insecurities.

“Hey, you know that Chanwoo guy, one of the new trainees?”

“Mmm, why?”

Hanbin runs his fingers through his locks, and he thinks the future doesn’t seem to be so heavy when they’re in each other embrace.

“When we start our own agency, he’s gonna be the first one I recruit next after the KJH duo. I won’t allow our company to waste any more talented rapper.”

Hanbin only laughs softly, but that sound's enough to make Jiwon feel confident he’s able to make him happy.

“He’s like a mini you, actually, so I’m not surprised you say that. Not surprised either you talk about starting an agency out of nowhere.”

Jiwon laughs along, agreeing his weird nature and drags himself up again to drop his head on the pillow where Hanbin’s is on.

“But seriously, Kim Hanbin, do you wanna do those stuff with me?”

Hanbin turns his head and he seriously, seriously, looks good when he keeps smiling like this. Jiwon is proud of himself for being able to fix things that was once broken severely. He’ll brag the hell out of it to Junhoe and Jinhwan when he finally decides to get out of the bed (in which he doesn’t sure when).

“What kinda stuff? Crazy stuff?”

Now it’s Jiwon who’s turning his head and Hanbin brushes his finger over Jiwon’s slightly swollen lips. He kisses the pad and prepares himself to say the bravest thing he probably will ever said.

“Well, part of it, yes. But what I really mean is building-our-future together... stuff.”

Hanbin gapes his mouth in shock. Indeed, this is a very sudden question to ask. He should’ve prepared something more, but whatever. The timing’s just perfect, when they’re at their very vulnerable state. In a way Jiwon meant to say that even if they really have nothing or lose everything in the future, they still have each other.

Jiwon has settled his mind. This is the problem he wants to face every morning, comes home to, and falls asleep to each night for the rest of his life.

There are tears pooling at the corner of Hanbin’s eyes threatening to break out. But this time, he’s sure it’s the best kind of it. Jiwon wipes them with his thumb before they can escape.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLYYYYY my first finished fic. Sorry if it seems rushed or bland. Does the last conversation sounds like a proposal? No...?  
> Also do you realize my vocab is very limited... This is actually me practicing my writing skill:( Anyways, thank you for reading it, really. Now I have an exam to ace... pls pray for me.  
> (I'm planning to add an extra chapter but well that depends)


	8. (Bonus Chapter) Night Prior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I promised since I'm stuck at my ongoing story a.k.a 1/16000. Might look weird, but weird has its own charms.

In Jinhwan’s opinion, it’s a good idea to have Jiwon or Hanbin as the producer for their album. Aside from their infamous capability that have gained so many artists' interest, it’s a perfect opportunity for them to clear things out, if there’s actually any.

“It’s weird that they hate each other, right? Considering how they clicked with us right away after the first time each of them talked to us. They basically have the same friends, they should’ve got along well, but instead...”

“Didn’t you hear me?! I thought the thing that’s crooked is your tooth, not your brain.”

“It’s only reserved for important things only. Apparently, you don’t met the category.”

Jinhwan and Junhoe sigh and lean back on their chairs at the same time. Jinhwan assembled the four of them to discuss, not for the two watching the other two adults bickering ever so immaturely just because one doesn’t get the other’s words. It’s not even ten minutes.

“They gotta stop with their slander. They don’t resemble top composers attitude...?”

Jinhwan suddenly feels guilty for worrying Junhoe’s childish behavior to emerge, he hasn’t shown anything but professionalism so far, as he hasn’t pull the two others across their seat by their ears as they still deeply drowning in their battle of insults.

“Good thing now you’re talking about category—“

“Okay, _enough_.”

Junhoe snaps and slams the table hard, but the sound isn’t loud enough to hide the annoyance on his voice.

“Didn’t we put on a warning that we don’t hesitate to out the two of you if you can't stop yelling on each other's faces?!”

Hanbin and Jiwon recompose themseves in a blink, Jinhwan catches how they’re not forgetting throwing each other one final angry glare.

“We choose you as artists who want the best for their album, but as a friend, I'm asking you stop arguing with each other just this once. Please?”

Jinhwan pleads, and he doesn't usually does that, but it works quite well. Jiwon and Hanbin seems to have a silent agreement with one quick glance.

“Good. Then we can start working properly.”

Jiwon and Hanbin surprises the two as they proceed on arranging the concept of their album. They have a distinct work dynamic, yet it what completes them as a... _team_?

Jinhwan will go as a _team_ for now, though their original plan is to choose one of them as a producer for their album.

He notices how Hanbin keeps throwing mostly fresh ideas and asks for Jiwon’s opinion or addition to it, and sometimes the other way around. Hanbin writes down most of it, and Jiwon speaks it out for the two of them to understand and consider, and that triggers Jinhwan to start wondering. Have they noticed how well they fit each other?

To trace it back from the beginning, Jiwon and Hanbin doesn’t actually had a real fight between them. It’s just when Jiwon first entered the company, he thought Hanbin is older than him. Hanbin enjoyed it a little bit too much, so being one of the youngest in the company, he asked people around him to not tell Jiwon the truth when he regarded him that way. It went for a good two weeks before Jiwon accidentally found out when he eavesdropped a younger trainee saying how Hanbin is unexpectedly a very nice _friend_.

Jiwon had started calling him with bad names, and Hanbin getting back at him with his stupidity. Who’s fault for not asking for real age and assume instead? Who’s fault for trying to be so polite? No one really has made an effort to stop them, since it what keeps them entertained in between long hours of training or staring at the screen. If you’re lucky, you can pass by them at the cafetaria or the hallway shouting at each other ever so funnily, one of them knocking the other’s snapback, or sliding another’s foot.

They have been working on separate studios (it’s for the sake of other’s mental and physical health), and Jinhwan still wonders why no one hasn’t dare try making them work together like this. He’s sure they’re almost the same level with him and Junhoe in terms of compatibility.

It doesn’t even take longer than an hour for them to finish what’s supposed to be achieved in a couple of meetings. It really boosts up the their mood.

Suddenly there’s an idea popping on Jinhwan’s head.

After making sure the pair is still immersed on concluding the concept, Jinhwan leans closer to whisper the plan on Junhoe’s ear. One look on Junhoe’s eyes tell him he’s in.

“Let’s go to somewhere fancy for dinner, my treat!”

Jiwon and Hanbin nods happily, not knowing what lies behind the tasteful offer.

* * *

“ _Dude_ , you’re really not gonna kill me with those stare.”

Hanbin turns away his piercing stare from Jiwon and rubs his arms with his palms. He just finds it hard to believe Jinhwan and Junhoe really dropped him off at the bus stop at this very late hour and this very unfriendly weather (and companion) with him. He’s gonna make them pay for it later.

“Don’t _dude_ me, I’m not your _dude_.”

He slides to his right to increase the distance between them. Jiwon might laugh at him too, hearing how his teeth are clattering. And of course, being a dickhead he is, he won’t miss out the chance to copy his childish act and proceeds on teasing him.

“Then what are you? My _maaaaan_?”

Hanbin fakes a gag.

“My _baby_?”

He fails to fake a reaction on this one, though. His face instantly goes red against his will. Jiwon ducks his head for a better view.

“Wait... don’t tell me you’re actually shy over these things?! But you wrote all those love songs!”

He thanks the darkness for reducing Jiwon’s annoying expression at the moment.

“Hey, don’t blame my amazing brain’s imagination!”

Jiwon laughs a bit, and Hanbin swears this is probably the first time it doesn’t sound so mocking.

“Okay then, humor me with your creative process.”

For a moment there, Hanbin assumes Jiwon is still teasing him, but after looking at how serious his eyes are on him, he admits he’s wrong and starts talking.

“Well, uh... I love reading books and poetry, so I spent a lot of my days reading them. Sometimes I watch movies too, but it depends on my mood. I prefer much older ones, like 90’s romance if I’m really desperate to write something. But I’m not really picky, so I can watch whatever. And I always have my notebook with me just in case I got inspired.”

It doesn’t take Hanbin more than a minute to realize he’s been leaking a highly confidential information, at least for him. What if Jiwon uses it against him? What if he copies his method and uses it to surpass him?

“So you haven’t had the real experience?”

He foresees these kind of question, thus he has had enough preparation to let his pride step aside. It’s not like he can deny the truth, despite being such a smartmouth on everything, he has to admit he’s inexperienced at this field. He’ll get caught easily if he lies, it’s not in his nature to put a disguise.

So he nods sharply, and Jiwon tilts his head like he’s confused.

“Why're you so surprised?”

“Dunno man, I mean, other than your punch-inviting-mouth, you’re not so bad.”

There are worse scenarios he could imagine if the two of them ever had a lockdown (it involves bruising each other’s faces until they pass out just to wake up to do it all over again, etc), but he never thought it would be like this. There are distinct sounds of crickets, metaphorically and literally, just to punctuate how awkward the situation is, given that Jiwon usually calls him with ill-sounding names on a daily basis.

“Um... thanks?”

Hanbin did breaks the silence, but adds another one with a rather unusual answer. It’s probably better if he expressed irritation than gratitude.

“Seriously, don’t make it weird! I was just saying!”

Jiwon distances himself away this time, but he’s not fast enough to cover the color that starts to show on his face.

“By any chance, are you also...”

“I have dated in the past!”

“I didn’t say anything! What are you so embarrassed for?!”

Jiwon barely flicks his forehead to shut his mouth, but it benefits Hanbin more as they’re facing each other long enough for him to prove himself right.

“You do got red in the face!”

“I solemnly regret to ever said a nice thing to my enemy. Dear God, I promise to never repeat the same mistake again.”

Jiwon clasps his hand together and looks down with eyes closed, and Hanbin uses the chance for a payback. The result is astounding, the red spot goes along well with the falling strands of his hair.

“You know, to think of it, I haven’t apologized for whatever I did on the very beginning. So...I’m sorry I made fun of you, you were fun to made fun of.”

Jiwon looks so flabbergasted at his words, and Hanbin is satisfied with the face he’s making, the gaping mouth, widening eyes, and all.

“Just because we got along okay for today, doesn’t mean you can talk to me so casually! Continue bad-mouthing me instead!”

Feeling a slight elbowing on his shoulder, Hanbin laughs lightly. He can’t believe he actually manages to talk this long with Jiwon without trying to rip his skin off. He even kinda clear things out with him? Jiwon deserves it, really. Jiwon was really helpful for elaborating his ideas on their meeting earlier. Maybe it's important for Jiwon as it is important for Hanbin, as it is their first chance to take a leap as a producer, more than just a composer.

“I mean it, so accept it!”

Hanbin smacks the back of Jiwon’s head, and he laughs even harder because it makes him lurch forward despite only using a tiny bit of force.

“Hey, I’m older than you!”

Jiwon follows him suit, and they have a comfortable time just laughing at each other’s dumbness with minds reminiscing these past years they have spent throwing insults at each other.

“Fine, I accept it. Don’t blame me if my charms starts to get into you, we’re not even friends.”

Funny how Jiwon says that while he scoots closer. Funny too how it makes Hanbin feel quite uneasy.

To be honest, Hanbin was _attracted_ by Jiwon at the first time, and then he decided to prank him because he was _attracted_ by his innocence. But he only let the latter part show, and he just got reminded of the former part by how Jiwon’s arm is pressing into his.

He doesn’t want to jinx it, but Jiwon seems to read what’s inside his head when they turn their heads a second after another. Hanbin contemplates on going back to being a jerk he is toward Jiwon, but he ridiculously can’t peel his eyes away from Jiwon’s smile.

“If I can’t talk to you casually yet, can you at least let me show an improvement?”

Hanbin gathers his courage and inches his face forward so slowly, like he’s on autopilot. Hanbin tries to take control but it’s kinda hard when Jiwon’s face is right there and he’s not furthering away.

It’s that after Jiwon blinks Hanbin regains consciousness, and he’s about to pull back when Jiwon meets him halfway.

Hanbin hopes the bus never comes.


End file.
